I thought I was exempt from heartbreak.  

It’s not that I haven’t had my share of sadness and disappointment in my life – being with my Daddy when he died, rejection, people who have hurt me, ideas that didn’t work – but never the kind of heartbreak that  makes you feel like your insides are being shredded.

Why am I having to deal with this now?

I’m not sure.  Maybe it’s cathartic.  Maybe someone reading this feels less alone. Or maybe it’s because it’s all part of being Fearless.  

Being Fearless isn’t easy or painless. We live so carefully trying to avoid the anger, frustration, and tears, but we end up cheating ourselves of all of the beauty, depth and joy that lays on the other side.

When we really allow ourselves to love – a person, an idea or a business – we open ourselves up to incredible joy, excitement, and connection.  But that opening doesn’t come without risk.  We let down the walls and the the careful veneer of control begins to fade. In its place is the very real possibility of heartbreak.  

So Fearless Women, how are you going to live?
Will you live a careful small existence?
Or will you risk heartbreak for the chance of living fully and loving deeply?

Starla

The Rules of Enchantment and Entrepreneurship

Two weeks ago I attended a conference on social media for nonprofit organizations. I learned a great deal about appropriate and effective use of technological tools to advance your NOPs mission and work. But what really stuck with me was Guy Kawasaki’s talk based on his book Enchantment: The Art of Changing Hearts, Minds, and Actions.

So you want to build a successful enterprise? Be enchanting. How? Kawasaki gives you three touchstones for being irresistible: likeability, trustworthiness and being a great cause. Do it because it makes all the difference. If you enchant your customers, you are in.

Kawasaki shared a great story about the first-time he met Sir Richard Branson, which demonstrated what he means by “likeability.” He and Branson were at a gathering somewhere waiting to speak to the attendees. He found himself explaining to Branson his loyalty to United Airlines. Branson then got down on his knees, grabbed Kawasaki’s shoe and polished the sole with his jacket. Guess who now flies Virgin Airlines?

This story was so compelling to me because it is so contrary to the typical stories that you hear about successful business types. Honestly, can you image (Fill in the Name of Your Favorite/Least Favorite Biz Icon Here} doing what Branson did?

With this vivid and memorable illustration in mind, I am ready to read the book to learn more and to put this concept into action as I build my business and get-to-know my most treasured asset: my customer.

Will you, my community of enchantresses with great ideas, then join me in rocking the world with the power of our interpersonal skills and presence?

We are delighted to be the featured launch partner of WilloToons Connect, a new venture by Fearless friend, Willo O'Brien that seeks to inspire creative sustainability in life and business. Creative Sustainability? Oh yeah, Willo is definitely speaking our language!

Check out the trailer for her newest venture:

Congratulations on your launch, Willo! We are thrilled to get to work with amazing women doing amazing things -- both in business AND in life!

On Risk & Business: The Firefighter's Way

As a woman working to build a new business, people in traditional jobs often look at me with a mix of confusion and awe. “Better you than me” I see in their shy smile and self-satisfied looks. Some are more open and share their genuine concerns; chief among them being the risky nature of what I am doing: “How can you engage in such risky behavior? You might fail, you know.”

I know.

However, I look at risk a little differently. Maybe because as a poor kid growing up I had nothing to lose. Right now the greatest risk is to NOT assume any risk, to try to coast along. That is the greatest risk for me because it means not trying. I have to try because if I don’t I will really feel like a failure. And so the saying goes.

I recently found this piece on Sociological Images about men who battle wildfires, which got me thinking about an even easier way to deal with risk and our sometimes risk-adverse nature: DENY IT. Firefighters apparently don’t worry about the risk because they simply don’t think there is any risk; fire is just another part of nature, etc.

image from Sociological Images

Drawing an analogy to the entrepreneurial sphere, failure is just a part of success. So why worry? Perhaps the key to embracing risk in business is to deny the risk even exists. Be a good firefighter: Walk ahead into the flames, know they are part of your dear friend Nature and don’t expect anything bad to happen. You got it under control (well, sort of).

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
-- Anais Nin

A Love Letter to Idea Junkies

Dear Entrepreneur/Aspiring Entrepreneur,

I may not have met you before, but I know a lot about you.  You are my people.  I love your passion, creativity and scrappiness to get it done.

But the thing that I love most about you is that you are an Idea Machine.  Come on, don’t be modest.  You know it’s true.  Is there a week that you don’t have a new idea? They come to you in the shower, at a restaurant, in the car, or over drinks (oh wine, you inspired the ancient Greek and Roman philosophers and you still do the trick today).

Ideas are intoxicating.  They are your oxygen. Each new hit sweeps you up into a vision of what could be.  You imagine what it would be like to….

Create something of your own
Do things your way
Make an impact
Feel like your gifts were being used
Have financial freedom
Be challenged
Be surrounded by interesting people
Do interesting things

Oh the high… Each idea is like falling in love all over again.  Face it, you’re addicted to the high.  Whoa there, don’t get defensive.  I don’t mean it in a bad way.  I just worry about you.  Sure, some of the ideas work, but most of them don’t.  It’s not always your fault.  Business is complicated.  Bad timing, the wrong partners, lack of momentum, the distraction of your day job or an even better idea for a venture.

Each time one of your ideas doesn’t work, I see how it fans the flames of fear.  You don’t trust yourself like you used to. Your confidence isn’t what it used to be. Where is that cocky “I can do anything” attitude that you used to have?

People ask you about your business and you’re embarrassed to tell them that it didn’t work out. You have stopped telling people about your ideas because you’re tired of feeling like you never stick with anything.  The false starts and dead-ends have taken their toll.  Like someone with a broken heart, you don’t trust as completely or leap quite so blindly.  The fears, doubts and what-ifs are louder than they used to be.

I never finish anything.  
I will never be able to create a successful business.
I get to a point and I quit.  
I don’t think I care enough about one thing to stick with it.
This is going to end up just like the other 3 ventures I started.
Maybe I’m just not cut out to be an entrepreneur.  
I don’t know if I have the energy to do this.
I don’t have the ____(fill in the blank: discipline/vision/right people/knowledge, credentials, guts) to really make this happen.

The fears rumble around in your head, finding evidence to prove their validity, until one day you give up and tell yourself that you’ll never truly succeed.

Can I give you some advice?  Stop chasing the new at the cost of you. How many times have you been enticed by the new?  It didn’t matter what it was, who was involved or what you were doing, you were ready for a new adventure.  

“Is there a problem with that?” you say.

It’s a problem when you sink your time, energy and money into something that you’re not that into. It’s like marrying someone who you think it just ok.   But, but…what about the experience, the connections, the learnings and the potential pay-out?  I hear you, but can you really fake it that long?  Can you continue to trudge along not really caring about the product, doing a job that you don’t like or being bored?

What if the real reason why ideas don’t stick is because they’re not truly aligned with who we are and what matters most to us?  How likely are you to be successful if it’s a great idea, but one that you honestly don’t care much about?

My friend, I hate to see you doubting yourself.  I know you can do this.  One last parting piece of advice.

You will create something successful if you follow this one simple (but not easy) concept.

Know thyself.  

Stop looking for answers “out there.”  Books, magazines, advice from friends, family, mentors and experts about what is hot.  Conflicting opinions about what you should do.  It’s overwhelming, exhausting and won’t get us any closer to our life’s work unless…

Unless you take a step-back and tune in to the only one who really has the answers – you.  Before you create the business of our dreams, you have to silence the outside world long enough to really listen to your own truths.  

What am I passionate about?
What am I meant to do?
What do I wish I had more of in my life?
What am I good at?
What is my definition of success?

Once you start to see how amazing and unique you are, maybe you won’t be so willing to give away your talents to any old venture.  Maybe you’ll only choose ones that feed you, that make you stronger and that make use of your fabulousness.  

Don’t let anyone dim the light of your creativity, least of all you.  

Starla

Let me guess: you don’t love what you do.  

But...you don’t know what else to do.  

You keep meaning to figure out the next step – graduate school, a new job or start your own business.  But you have no idea how to get to that answer.  

I've been there and I’m going to share with you what I wish someone had told me when I was struggling to Escape Cubicle Land. 

As a board member of a foundation trying to be creative in our funding, I found myself arguing for targeting our efforts while also learning to live with ambiguity. I’m confident that we will find the right medium if we remain true to our mission and tolerant of our own process. As a budding businesswoman trying to turn an idea into action, does that advice still apply?

But of course.

Yet I struggle to follow my advice, losing patience and wanting certainty in a sea of uncertainty. I have to remind myself that I dove into a new business venture because of a general interest in the space where spiritual inquiry meets physical pleasure.

I want to solve a problem: when considering retreat options people too often have to choose between an ascetic monk’s cell or a spa vacation. How can they find the path toward personal transformation if they start from a place of being divided instead of one of their natural state of wholeness?

The specifics of how that will translate into a business will come in their own time. And if fact, they are coming along just fine through an iterative process that will demand patience of my sometimes-impatient soul.

Then I found this posting, the Power of Uncertainty, which put it all into perspective. Living with uncertainly, embracing the ambiguity is exactly what is needed to successfully translate an idea into action. That initial idea needs to strike a balance between being so broad as to be meaningless and being so narrow as to rule out exploration that you have already determined both the path and the outcome. Balance in all things is one of my motto, which also is captured in my retreat model and so this piece struck a chord.

So what is next?

• Expecting nothing
• Practicing acceptance
• Exploring Possibilities

And where does that leave me?

Admittedly in a discomfort zone. But I am confident that it is the right place to be, where the magic of true discovery will transport me and my idea to another place called “success.”

I have been thinking a great deal about my right brain. I wrote a blog post about its implications for philanthropy for The Whitman Institute. This was followed by an enlightening Fearless program on The Right-Brain Business Plan with Jennifer Lee. I am still struck by this fascinating topic and have more musing but before I can share them, I must say that this is NOT a right-brain vs. left-brain treatise. Obviously, we need BOTH to be “whole-brained,” if you will.

This is, however, an argument for erring on the right-side of the brain. What I mean by that is simple: we GET oodles of incentives and positive attention for using our left-brain as entrepreneurs developing business plans and financial documents to impress investors. BUT we receive little encouragement for the wonderful wacky and creative contributions of the right brain – the kind that IMHO make our product or service unique while also feeding our soul.

Given the meager system of support, there is a high probability that we are losing out on the full potential of the right brain. Can we afford to miss the magic of our more intuitive-random-playful-visual way of thinking? I think not.

So please “LIKE” my right-brain and show me that you really care.

How can you do this? What would a system of rewards that encourages right-brain thinking tendencies look like? Well, it would probably look kind of right-brained – give out a colorful button or bumper sticker to people who risk putting their right-brains on the line. I don’t know but I am sure if we put our right-brain to use, we will come up with something suitably creative to capture the value of thinking this way.

The point is to acknowledge the difference and appreciate real good examples of right-brain thinking in business as you would a really well-written and analytical traditional business plan.

So as I struggle with using the whole brain, striking the right-balance between the difference spheres, I find myself wondering if I am planning way too much to my left bran’s delight. Perhaps I need to slow down, plan less and let serendipity be my guide?

I think I knew the answer to this question before posing it. The answer lies in this beautiful quote (John Lennon?) that is now hanging on my wall, giving me the eye every day:

“Life is what happens why you are busy making plans” 

Back to life.

Cannot wait to see where serendipity takes me next.