We entrepreneurs are a unique beed - we're driven, passionate, and hard-working, which often also leads us to be workaholics and perfectionists. Sounding familiar? Don't get me wrong, being a perfectionist has its advantages, but with it come a lot of inhibitions that ultimately end up holding us back. You let your fear of failure stop you from taking risks. Nothing is ever good enough, no matter how much you accomplish. You're constantly sweating the small stuff, and you somehow let one little mistake becomes a big comment on your own worth.

Give yourself a break! You are human! High expectations are good - afterall, your business should be shooting for the stars. But to deny or hide your flaws, to condemn your mistakes instead of learning from them - these are the things that will keep you from truly understanding and growing your business, and yourself.

In a blog post this week, "The Cure for Perfectionism", Eva Rykr suggests that instead of expecting perfection, aim for progress. The little steps will always get you closer to your goal, and ultimately leave you feeling more satisfied. I encourage you to try it!

Most of us keep waiting for the Big Epiphany. You know what I mean. We want to wake up one day and finally have the Big Idea that will bust it all loose. An idea for a business, a book, or our life’s work.  

In the meantime, we’re impatient, frustrated and feel like we’re biding time. Nothing is happening. Or maybe something IS happening.  

Check out Steven Johnson’s TED talk, “Where Good Ideas Come From” to see how Epiphanies happen http://www.ted.com/talks/steven_johnson_where_good_ideas_come_from.html

I thought I was exempt from heartbreak.  

It’s not that I haven’t had my share of sadness and disappointment in my life – being with my Daddy when he died, rejection, people who have hurt me, ideas that didn’t work – but never the kind of heartbreak that  makes you feel like your insides are being shredded.

Why am I having to deal with this now?

I’m not sure.  Maybe it’s cathartic.  Maybe someone reading this feels less alone. Or maybe it’s because it’s all part of being Fearless.  

Being Fearless isn’t easy or painless. We live so carefully trying to avoid the anger, frustration, and tears, but we end up cheating ourselves of all of the beauty, depth and joy that lays on the other side.

When we really allow ourselves to love – a person, an idea or a business – we open ourselves up to incredible joy, excitement, and connection.  But that opening doesn’t come without risk.  We let down the walls and the the careful veneer of control begins to fade. In its place is the very real possibility of heartbreak.  

So Fearless Women, how are you going to live?
Will you live a careful small existence?
Or will you risk heartbreak for the chance of living fully and loving deeply?

Starla

A Love Letter to Idea Junkies

Dear Entrepreneur/Aspiring Entrepreneur,

I may not have met you before, but I know a lot about you.  You are my people.  I love your passion, creativity and scrappiness to get it done.

But the thing that I love most about you is that you are an Idea Machine.  Come on, don’t be modest.  You know it’s true.  Is there a week that you don’t have a new idea? They come to you in the shower, at a restaurant, in the car, or over drinks (oh wine, you inspired the ancient Greek and Roman philosophers and you still do the trick today).

Ideas are intoxicating.  They are your oxygen. Each new hit sweeps you up into a vision of what could be.  You imagine what it would be like to….

Create something of your own
Do things your way
Make an impact
Feel like your gifts were being used
Have financial freedom
Be challenged
Be surrounded by interesting people
Do interesting things

Oh the high… Each idea is like falling in love all over again.  Face it, you’re addicted to the high.  Whoa there, don’t get defensive.  I don’t mean it in a bad way.  I just worry about you.  Sure, some of the ideas work, but most of them don’t.  It’s not always your fault.  Business is complicated.  Bad timing, the wrong partners, lack of momentum, the distraction of your day job or an even better idea for a venture.

Each time one of your ideas doesn’t work, I see how it fans the flames of fear.  You don’t trust yourself like you used to. Your confidence isn’t what it used to be. Where is that cocky “I can do anything” attitude that you used to have?

People ask you about your business and you’re embarrassed to tell them that it didn’t work out. You have stopped telling people about your ideas because you’re tired of feeling like you never stick with anything.  The false starts and dead-ends have taken their toll.  Like someone with a broken heart, you don’t trust as completely or leap quite so blindly.  The fears, doubts and what-ifs are louder than they used to be.

I never finish anything.  
I will never be able to create a successful business.
I get to a point and I quit.  
I don’t think I care enough about one thing to stick with it.
This is going to end up just like the other 3 ventures I started.
Maybe I’m just not cut out to be an entrepreneur.  
I don’t know if I have the energy to do this.
I don’t have the ____(fill in the blank: discipline/vision/right people/knowledge, credentials, guts) to really make this happen.

The fears rumble around in your head, finding evidence to prove their validity, until one day you give up and tell yourself that you’ll never truly succeed.

Can I give you some advice?  Stop chasing the new at the cost of you. How many times have you been enticed by the new?  It didn’t matter what it was, who was involved or what you were doing, you were ready for a new adventure.  

“Is there a problem with that?” you say.

It’s a problem when you sink your time, energy and money into something that you’re not that into. It’s like marrying someone who you think it just ok.   But, but…what about the experience, the connections, the learnings and the potential pay-out?  I hear you, but can you really fake it that long?  Can you continue to trudge along not really caring about the product, doing a job that you don’t like or being bored?

What if the real reason why ideas don’t stick is because they’re not truly aligned with who we are and what matters most to us?  How likely are you to be successful if it’s a great idea, but one that you honestly don’t care much about?

My friend, I hate to see you doubting yourself.  I know you can do this.  One last parting piece of advice.

You will create something successful if you follow this one simple (but not easy) concept.

Know thyself.  

Stop looking for answers “out there.”  Books, magazines, advice from friends, family, mentors and experts about what is hot.  Conflicting opinions about what you should do.  It’s overwhelming, exhausting and won’t get us any closer to our life’s work unless…

Unless you take a step-back and tune in to the only one who really has the answers – you.  Before you create the business of our dreams, you have to silence the outside world long enough to really listen to your own truths.  

What am I passionate about?
What am I meant to do?
What do I wish I had more of in my life?
What am I good at?
What is my definition of success?

Once you start to see how amazing and unique you are, maybe you won’t be so willing to give away your talents to any old venture.  Maybe you’ll only choose ones that feed you, that make you stronger and that make use of your fabulousness.  

Don’t let anyone dim the light of your creativity, least of all you.  

Starla

Let me guess: you don’t love what you do.  

But...you don’t know what else to do.  

You keep meaning to figure out the next step – graduate school, a new job or start your own business.  But you have no idea how to get to that answer.  

I've been there and I’m going to share with you what I wish someone had told me when I was struggling to Escape Cubicle Land. 

The first time I ate a fava bean, I was 12 years old.  

As my mom served the fava beans to my 100% Sicilian father and I, she said matter-of-factly, “Some Mediterraneans are so allergic to fava beans that it kills them.  I hope you two don’t have that condition.”  

My dad and I weren’t the types to leave food on our plates, so death be damned, we ate the fava beans.  We obviously survived, but it was so disturbing that I’ve never been able to look at a fava bean without thinking about my brush with death.  

My mom was a nurse and knew that favism, an extremely rare condition, didn’t cause sudden death, but illness that could lead to death if untreated.  Did she tell us that? No, she made it seem like we were playing vegetable russian roulette.  

So what’s the lesson?  Along your entrepreneurial path, there will be plenty of fatalists out there.  People who warn you of the worst case scenario - their cousin who who spent the last 2 years struggling, working 1000 hours a week, and who lost everything.  

So what can you do? How do you shake something like that off?

What I suggest is that you listen for nuggest of wisdom and know that there is more to the story than meets the eye. There always is. 

And keep eating your fava beans.